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OK For Parents to Sleep With Their Children?

Most new mothers do not hesitate to take their newborns to bed with them, especially if they are breastfeeding. The practice, known as bed sharing, is particularly common among nursing mothers.

Despite the concern about “rolling over” and “choking” a baby, most nursing mothers find that night feedings are easier and more soothing for both mother and child. Indeed, a 2006 study of 5-27-week-old infants in the journal Pediatrics found that “bed-sharing infants without known risk factors for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) show increased maternal touch and gaze, increased breastfeeding, and faster and more frequent maternal responses’ than cot-sleeping infants. Newborns, as most parents will tell you, benefit from physical proximity to their mothers.

The question changes as the baby grows. The baby moves more and inevitably disturbs the parent’s sleep. Although parents may resort to bed-sharing when the child is sick or irritable, they also run the risk that the baby—who is used to sleeping with the parents—will begin to resist sleeping in his own crib or bed. Putting the toddler to bed becomes increasingly difficult and bedtime can become a nightmare. Parents may be afraid to leave the child with a babysitter and, at worst, may not have the time or energy for close relationships.

Finally, once a child enters school and is truly ready to separate from the parent, the parent may become attached to the child. “Lie down” with a child becomes a quick bonding experience, and more than one parent I know uses this bonding time to take a quick nap.

The answer to the question of sharing a bed therefore depends on the age of the child. Under no circumstances should the parent use this time to meet their own psychological or physical needs. If you maintain an appropriate boundary between you and your child, you will know when it is time to sleep without your child in your bed.

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