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Does Crying Make the Pain Go Away?

The answer to this question is no, no, no. It doesn’t take away the pain, but it does have its benefits when you’re grieving a loss.

There are many theories about crying, such as “tears cleanse the soul” or “crying lasts a night but joy comes in the morning” or “don’t cry over spilled milk”. Many were told as a child that crying is a sign of weakness. So when you grieve a loss, do you cry or try not to cry?

A client going through a divorce recently sent me a thank you note for supporting her during a crying episode. Her note included the following statement, “Thank you for saying it’s okay to CRY! Although everything hurt afterwards (my head, face, and eyes), those were cleansing tears and today I’m better than okay!”

When you have lost someone or something dear to your heart, when your dreams have turned into nightmares, when you have lost all hope for your future, crying is a normal and natural response. What makes the difference is how you react to that natural feeling. Do you try to rush through it or embrace it as part of the healing experience?

I encourage you to have a cry party when you are grieving a loss, but with limitations. Give yourself a set time so you don’t overwhelm the body and cause problems related to emotional and physical health. Why not consider it an activity?

Often, outbursts of grief are unexpected and come out of nowhere for no apparent reason. In this case, you may not be able to schedule the scream party. Still embrace it. Holding back feelings of loss can make the loss worse and delay the grieving process. If you are able to take your party to a place where you are alone, do so. Maybe take a memento or music with you, set a time limit for the party and give yourself permission to shout it out.

Know that because this is natural and normal, and no one can tell you how to grieve, crying episodes may come and go for a lifetime. Yes, even many decades after a loss or disappointment, you may have crying episodes. Well, let’s conclude that crying won’t make the pain go away, but it will help you deal with the pain if you choose to see it that way.

The next time you remember a loved one who is no longer here with you or a situation that broke your heart and you feel the need to cry, let the tears flow. think of a beautiful memory. and end your party with a smile. I bet you’ll feel better.

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