How Many Sight Words Should A 5 Year Old Know Zodwa*: My Greatest First Love

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Zodwa*: My Greatest First Love

At the tender age of nine, I truly fell in love. The object of my lust was my classmate named Zodwa*. She was tall, petite, light in complexion and extremely beautiful. She exuded class and confidence. There was a glint in her eyes. I was fascinated by her presence alone. Zodwa*s voice was gentle and sounded musical to my ears. He had a self-deprecating attitude towards her. Clearly, I was head over heels for Zodwa*.

I had found, for lack of a better word, my true love in Zodwa*. Whatever that means when you’re a junior high school student. I spent the first five years after I met her (if you can call it that) stealing her glances. Whenever the teacher left the classroom or during those wonderful things called “free period”, I would move from my desk/seat and position myself elsewhere where I could have a better view of her. I would stare at her for minutes. However; any random eye contact, I’d be rolling my eyes and neck faster than Usain Bolt.

For five whole years, I never said a word to her. It wasn’t so much as a lack of trying. In fact, I was at a loss for words. And, I couldn’t bear the thought of not being in love with her just in case she said no. So I decided it was best that this love be a one way love. It suited me just fine. Most parts of this paragraph are not true. I wanted Zodwa* in my arms. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted her for myself and only for myself. Don’t ask me what I would do with her because I honestly didn’t know. Do not judge me. I’m trying to tell a love story here.

At some stage when I was doing Standard Four, I came up with what I thought was a perfect plan that would separate Zodwa* from her friends and then lead to a chance encounter between me and her – just the two of us. The plan was simple enough. It went like this – after the Class Prefect had decided on the cleaning service roster for the week and stuck it on the wall. I would sneak back to my classroom after school and change her making sure Zodwa* was separated from her group of friends. The big idea was that she would stay behind during the classroom cleaning operation making for a perfect chance encounter between me and her. Perfect.

For my part, I will also let my friends go without me. Once everyone but the cleaning crew was gone, I’d do a pickup to make sure everything was clear. Then I would leave the school and hide in the bushes a few meters away. I would wait in anticipation. The waiting period was never wasted as I practiced my lines. Something along these lines… Hawu Zodwa* yini uhambe wedwa namhlamnje? I am asking ukukuphelezela. (Why are you alone today? Can I walk you home? The thing is, Zodwa* was a smart girl. As soon as I came out of the bushes, she would go first… hey we-Walter uyazi uMama wakho ukuthi ula (Hey Walter does your mom know you’re still here?) – I would mumble something while my heart was beating faster and faster. At the same time, I would sweat like it was raining inside my shirt. I would instantly lose my voice While trying to recover, Zodwa* would she was a kilometer away on her own.Yes, that’s right, perfect design for my leg!!! The scene described here was repeated over and over until we finished primary school.

In high school, even though my confidence had grown, and I still hoped to get my hands on Zodwa*, somehow it never happened. It seems she grew up faster than me because she suddenly got a boyfriend. I was devastated. Nevertheless, we were good friends. I still loved her, however there was never a formal approach. I was consumed by the fear of the unknown.

By the time we graduated high school, she might have dated 10 different guys. There were rumors that she had already miscarried four times by the time we finished Matric.

I lost touch with Zodwa* after Matric. I met her only once in 1999 at Eshowe taxi rank while visiting some of my friends. She was a changed woman. She was darker now and the sparkle of beauty in her eyes was gone. She just looked like another ordinary girl. I later learned that he had contracted the deadly HIV/Aids virus.

In my Witness/Echo column published in 2003, I wrote the following about Zodwa*: “It is now history that I never got closer to Zodwa*. Today, Zodwa* is part of our new breed of celebrities, popularly known as Humans living with HIV She has been living with HIV for eight years. Her two children recently died as a result of HIV/Aids. Unlike many other people living with HIV, Zodwa* did not rush. She had sex with various partners and in the process he contracted the disease.”

In 2013, when I went to Eshowe to bury a half-sister who had died of AIDS, I asked where Zodwa* was. Unfortunately, I was told to look up at the majestic mountains of Mpehlela – ‘cast your eyes down and see a white tombstone – this is Zodwa’s grave*’. Apparently he had died a few years after our last chance. Goodbye Zodwa*. I will love and miss you forever. Zodwa* was the greatest love of my life. A love greater than being unfulfilled.

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