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Mindful Parenting Tips – Back Talk – How To Get Your Sweet Child Back

A parent came to me with their problems about the child who talked back… “My sweet 12 year old boy is gradually turning into a less respectful child who talks back.

It was never like this! He is a very happy and well adjusted child. He does really well in school and has a lot of good friends, so I’m not sure where he gets that from.

Yesterday my son told me “Stop yelling at me with your eyes!” I guess he understands my frustration with him! To top it off, I also have an 8 year old son who copies his brother’s every move. Can you help me curb my son’s bad attitude and rude ways?”

Children, regardless of their age, learn their social behavior, not from the group they are in but from how parents treat each other. So the first step is to look at how you adults have been treating each other, recognize it and correct the parts that need it. Then apologize to your son for setting a bad example and ask for another try.

Second, look at your relationship with your child. Talking and bad behavior is often a response to the parent being overprotective or demanding. Try to let him have the last word. Invite cooperation by asking what needs to be done, rather than telling him what needs to happen.

Explore what’s going on with him emotionally by having friendly conversations at neutral times. Open the conversation with “Could it be ___?” questions.

For example, ask, “Could you be mad at me for trying to boss you around?” or “Can you be frustrated with me because I’m frustrated with you many times?” Try to restore trust and bond between you.

Children at the age of 12 and 13 recycle the stage they went through around the age of 3. In order to separate you from the parent, they begin to assert themselves.

Part of this claim comes in the form of breaking family rules. It’s all part of the growth cycle they’re in. They fight, suffer and disagree. They make mistakes to discover what works while developing their own sense of being.

They must literally break away from the relationships that helped them grow to this point and reestablish them from an independent position.

Sound familiar?

The key will be to step back and give him the space he needs to discover himself AND create a new and different relationship with the person he is becoming, while continuing to love and support him when he returns to the nest for confirmation . and connection, which at this age will happen often.

In a nut shell: Make sure the message of love gets through. Be a sounding board rather than an authority. Deal with your own frustrations in a supportive environment away from him. Clean up your own agendas and methods in your relationships.

Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride, this too shall pass.

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