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My Very Personal Battle With Mini-skirt-aphobia
Miniskirt. Just the word sent shivers down my spine. That’s what happens when you have a really traumatic experience – and I did. At the young, impressionable age of 16, my mind and spirit were wounded at the most unsuspecting moments.
When I was still in high school, I took some college courses. I spent half the day at the high school and half at the local college. Although it was close to 10 years ago, this special day is etched in my mind. It was speech class. I was sitting in my seat waiting for the rest of the students to arrive and the lesson to begin. Darlene, the most beautiful student in the class, walked in with her hands down. As usual she was dressed in the hottest and weirdest outfits. That day I wore a blue mini skirt, a white short sleeved top, a sweater and a pair of simple flats.
She went to a seat, one row in front of me. Then it happened. As she was putting her books on her desk, her pencils fell to the ground! A hush fell over those nearby. She stared at the pencils, frozen in horror. No one moved. No one spoke. It was as if we were all statues, unable to do anything but watch the tragedy unfold before us.
The beautiful girl, the well-dressed girl, the girl that all the boys and all the girls wanted, stood there, unable to act, unable to perform the simplest of tasks. All the boys nearby just waited and watched, trying to keep themselves from slobbering with anticipation. Her bottom was so small, I didn’t see how she was going to pick up those pencils herself. Any movement to bend or reach for the pencils would cause her backside to salute all onlookers.
She started to bend over and stopped. She tried to sit up, keeping her knees together. She couldn’t do it. I could see what the moment was doing to her. Her face turned red, then began to fade to white. Sweat broke out on his forehead. Her breathing became shallow and frantic. She was entering the realm of a full blown panic attack. Her suffering was almost unbearable to watch. She kept trying different approaches, to the utter delight of the hormone-fueled boys in the crowd, but she couldn’t reach her pencils without exposing herself to the crowd.
After what seemed like hours and an eternity to poor Darlene, a girl sitting two tables away snapped out of the trance we were all in and came to the rescue, grabbing the pencils off the floor and placing them in table. . Darlene was never the same. She was always nervous, bearing the humiliation of that day. For the remainder of that semester, she was different, scared, scared, lacking the lively glow and confidence she once held. She never wore a miniskirt again.
Witnessing such suffering, anguish and pain affected me deeply. I couldn’t look at, or even think about, wearing a mini skirt. I was convinced it would only result in agony. Then one day, many years later, two very stubborn and determined friends made me face and overcome my mini-skirt-aphobia.
My friends convinced me that Darlina could have easily avoided the pain and misery that flooded her that day in speech class. I was told that miniskirts are fabulous garments for those with the right techniques and tools. They don’t have to be the cause of ultimate suffering if you know how to wear one.
Of course, I didn’t wear my mini-skirt in public until I had mastered two skills – sitting without a show and picking up things (like pencils) off the ground without flashing my behind. I have come a long way since that day in speech class. I’m a miniskirt pro now, with years of agony-free experience under my belt.
I think of poor Darlene now and then, and I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor girl. If only she had treated the mini skirt with due respect, everything could have been different for her. If she had mastered the miniskirt skills before going to class that day, all of this trauma could have been avoided. Minifunds should not be taken for granted. On the hips of the inexperienced or untrained, they can be a truly dangerous piece of clothing, setting up the wearer for disaster.
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