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Really? The Wacky World of Meeting Women on the Internet
I rejoined Match.com a few days ago. I have been on Match 4-5 times since the early 2000’s. I joined again because they have the largest database of potential partners. Before I came back to Match, I was on a few smaller “niche” dating sites, but they just didn’t have enough members to be effective in what is essentially a numbers game.
At this point, I’ve only recently “dated” a person I met on a dating site. I was more interested in her than in me, and we closed friends, but she woke me up, opening me up slightly to understand how much I want a partner in my life. But since I can’t talk about the dating part of online dating yet this time, this article will focus on meeting people. It will also focus on a man’s perspective, but I hope it will be useful for women as well.
The last time I was on Match, my inbox literally exploded with over 90 replies to my profile in two days, and it’s happening again as I write this. I don’t attribute this to being a fairy tale kind of guy (although I think I am!). I think the real reasons for blowing up my inbox are twofold: One, as a professional writer and a men’s and couples’ counselor, I write a really good profile, and I’d like to think this is part of it. , but I also think it’s because I’m fresh meat.
Fresh, red meat. To quote the eagles, “There’s a new kid in townThe ladies are older, yes, but there is a huge market of women 60 and older, divorced and widowed, looking for partners.
I only need one. The right one.
Separated, not divorced
I don’t log in immediately when a previous connection ends. I’ve been married twice and my personal style is to get to know who I am as a single person again before I unfairly introduce a new potential partner. As a result, I am somewhat surprised that some of the women who initiate contact with me are only separated, their divorces have not yet been finalized.
I can’t help but wonder how someone can keep moving on to another relationship before their current one is over. It may be over, but it is certainly not over, and it is doubtful that such a person would have had a chance to fully recover. It’s just too fast. My experience supports the idea that these are people who can’t stand being alone, and they invariably end up carrying the problems of the last relationship into the new relationship, creating a cycle of broken relationships. When one of these women approaches me, I politely decline the engagement as I am not interested in dating someone who is still married. This is not a moral judgment. It is a distinction based on knowledge of how things usually work. Not always, of course, but who wants to roll those dice?
The New Woman
I am amazed at the number of “likes” I get from women who are younger than both my daughters. My first thought is always, “what are you thinking?” Some actually ask me out, but most don’t and are just flirting with their “likes”, likely “fishing” for an older man who will take them for whatever reason, including their support, or being a sugar daddy, or simply seeking approval as a father that they may not have received from a male figure earlier in life.
Perhaps some of them are turned off by the awkwardness of many younger men and are looking for a degree of non-threatening contact from men who easily ease and cater to their inadequacies around mature women. There may be a small number of young women – and men – who actually benefit from one of these May-December relationships, but here we go again, rolling the dice on something that reasonably has very little chance of working out. .
My personal rule of thumb regarding age dating has been that I probably won’t even consider someone who isn’t at least 10 years older than my oldest daughter. This is becoming less of an issue as my oldest daughter turns 50 next year. I also like the concept of “age-appropriate” dating, whatever that may mean to each individual, and it’s a personal choice.
You have a friend
Obviously, some of the weirdest emails I get are when someone claims to be writing for a friend. They start by saying their account is expiring soon, that they won’t be renewing, and they have a very shy friend who would be a perfect match for me, and here’s the email address and some advice on how to handle her gently because he is really fragile.
This is wrong on so many levels. First, it violates Match’s policy of not giving out email addresses on first contact. Second, there’s no denying that there are a lot of fragile and broken people in the world, but (1) why would they accept an email from someone they don’t know if they’re so shy, and (2) why would I want to to get involved with someone who is so fragile and broken? My shadow loves your shadow?
This is a scam and I wonder if they are specifically targeting older people like me which makes me…
The old man and age
That would be me. I am not suggesting that I date older men. I’m touching on how strange it is to be in the situation I find myself in: I’ll be 73 at the end of this month, and I was pretty sure I’d still be married for the rest of my life. I never imagined that I would be in a situation where not only am I writing this article, but I am actually on Match.com looking for a partner, hopefully, the last great love of my life, and trying to figure out that what exactly does this mean. I mean, 73! Definitely uncharted territory.
The first thing that comes to mind is that, at 73, I seem to be at the head of the Match group of older men. Not the oldest, but definitely close enough that it doesn’t matter. There’s good news and bad news: The good news is that there are plenty of men in their 60s who look older than I do. The bad news is that I have bad knees that are hopefully replaceable and this is my next step as the alternative regenerative stem cell therapy didn’t work for me despite the promises.
Earlier in this article, I referred to the woman who woke me up and gave me the gift of knowing that I can love again. I would hope I could, and that’s why I joined a dating site in the first place. She is 60 and was skeptical at first about dating a man who was 72 and I put myself in the position of pursuing a “younger” woman. Using humor, I charmed her into dating me and we both instantly hit it off, and I am extremely grateful for her precious friendship.
One of the challenges here is that, on the one hand, some women, young and old, say that age is relative, that age is just a number. They are correct. On the other hand, if another woman says a certain age is too old—or a man says a woman is too young—they are also correct. Yes, both things can be true.
When I first got on a dating site a few months ago, I remember thinking, “A lot of these women look like my aunt,” and then one morning I walked past the mirror and realized I looked like my uncle. Welcome to my awareness of my age.
It is interesting that the desire to love and be loved is so strong in us, regardless of our age. I am grateful to my friend for helping to wake me up from deciding that I will be alone. I considered it…briefly.
While I’m searching, though, I’m also building the best life I can for myself, and I’m going to have fun doing it. Meanwhile, I’m currently in a relationship with _______ (insert your dating site name here), and will eventually replace her with someone I meet.
So, thanks for reading. My hope is that some of these have given you some insight into your current or desired relationship. Maybe you’ll be inspired to fix your existing relationship so you don’t end up going through this in your life. If you’re not in a relationship, maybe you’ll be inspired to open your heart to the possibility of love, regardless of your age. Each of the paths is an assurance that you are still alive and alive.
I could go on, but you get the idea. I will check for new Match mail!
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