I Told My New Dom About My Old Dom Erotica A Dom/Domme’s Role in a D/S Relationship

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A Dom/Domme’s Role in a D/S Relationship

At the core of any sound D/s relationship, whether you live it merely behind closed doors or as a 24/7-lifestyle choice, lies one thing, without which, the dynamic would cease to exist. And that is trust. It is such a simple word, with a world of implications as well as complications if it is ever violated.

Trusting you to handle mundane tasks like walking the dog or washing the dishes is one thing but when passions flare and needs lie coiled, waiting for you to allow it to be unleashed like a torrent of want, trust takes on an entirely different visage. It is the role of the submissive to give the Master/Mistress (you) what they want, to be what they want, how and when they want.

Conversely, it is your duty to treat that ultimate gift with the respect and dignity it deserves. It does not matter if you and your partner go in for a fluffier version of BDSM, or are adherents to the hardest of hardcore. If the Dom/Domme of the relationship acts solely on his or her whims, doing only what s/he wishes, the relationship becomes stale and unhealthy. There must be a clear understanding on both sides about what is wanted and needed – and you must never confuse wants with needs. Rest assured that just as you have needs, so too does your submissive. The role of the Dom/Domme is not to bully or mistreat the submissive. There is nothing erotic or enticing about genuinely causing harm. Granted, pain, discomfort, humiliation, shame – these can all be parts of the story, but always in moderation, and never without reason.

Limits must be set by you; and you must also be consistent. Certainly your submissive will test you (and s/he should). A healthy submissive will try you from time to time, to ascertain that you are worthy to hold their trust so completely. With the aforementioned consistency, you can remind him or her over and over again that you love unconditionally, but that doing things that run contrary to your desires comes with a price. What that price is must also be consistent and within reason. The two of you can determine that beforehand to avoid nasty surprises or causing unintentional harm. The limits not only lay guidelines for what is proper and what is not, but a submissive also provides a further sense of security – of paramount importance.

A firm yet gentle hand to guide your submissive is also necessary. Even if your submissive isn’t testing you antagonistically, the boundaries of their experience should be expanded from time to time. If you never did anything new or novel, you would become bored. The same goes for your submissive. New games, new activities, new methods of restraint – the limits of the things that you can do together to enhance the experience is limited solely by your imaginations and comfort levels.

Your submissive must be free to express him or herself. Meshing with the notion of an open dialogue, the ability for your submissive to be open to you has far reaching consequences and benefits. Your submissive of course never wants to disappoint or anger you (and should rightly hate doing either of those things) but submissives are not without feelings and thoughts of their own. When you allow them to express themselves openly without fear of reprisal, whether what they have to say is good or bad, you show them that you love and respect them. With knowledge out in the open, you both can grow and deepen the bond that stands between the two of you.

In addition to being a firm yet kind teacher, you must be willing to forgive your submissive for his or her inevitable transgressions. While it takes a certain level of narcissism to be a Dom/Domme in the first place, a mentally and emotionally healthy one can detach from that self-importance. You are not the only one in the relationship after all. Atonement may be apportioned but your submissive must never believe that you love them any less for their having failed you. Once punishment has been doled out (if it is even necessary), moving on to bigger and better things with your most devoted partner is the optimal approach. Bottom line: don’t dwell, or let your partner do so either.

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