Is Old Fashioned Loaf Called Baked Loaf In New England Tour Guides I Have Known

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Tour Guides I Have Known

I am a novelist at heart. I’ve written a terror thriller titled Nine Lives Too Many and a suspenseful, modern paranormal story called Daemons in Our Dreams. I have a new novel coming out soon that deals with rice queens. Most of my fictional endeavors are chronicled on my website – http://www.senneffhouse.com. Every now and then I like to go back to my beginnings as a travel writer. I especially enjoy travel writing with humor interspersed. My novel Daemon in Our Dreams is basically a travel novel populated by many tour guides.

Have you heard any good tour guides lately?

On a tour in Alaska, our female guide said, “We have a saying here in Alaska. There are nine men for every woman. The odds are good, but the odds are odd.”

But male guides fight this battle of the sexes. One man said he had a shirt made that read, “Girls, remember when you turn forty-eight, you’re going to be ugly again.”

Another male guide from Alaska the next day, “Here in Alaska men are men and women are too.”

Whenever I hit a new city on a land trip or a new port on a cruise ship, I take an orientation tour with a guide. They are called cultural orientations when they stop at a museum instead of a craft market where relatives of the tour guide work.

Guides can tell jokes, propagandize, scapegoat, recite poetry and show thieves. They have an audience captured for a few hours, a day, or in some cases a week or more. For some reason, Alaska tour guides are the best. Here are some illustrations of the race from all over:

On Moorea, Tahiti’s sister island, our guide Ben said:

“This is the church where members of a certain religion worship. They come to my door two or three times a week with pamphlets. Please give me your address so I can give it to them, and they can visit your house instead of mine . . .”

Alaska guidebooks are full of stories of bald eagles and bears. A tour guide told us about the black bear that roamed the airport and arrivals area. He got on the baggage carousel and started riding it around. They thought they could save him by turning off the carousel. He screamed and acted threateningly, so they had to let him continue his journey until the game wardens caught him and took him away.

A guide told this story:

“Two bears, a male and a female, attack and eat two men who were out for a walk in the woods. One man was Polish and one was Czech. Both bears were shot by hunters. Autopsies were performed. The bear was found on the female so they knew the check was in the male.”

On a Princess ship in Alaska, while we were having martinis in the observation lounge, the captain would come on the bus “This is Captain Glug from the bridge. On the port side in the tallest tree, there are two bald eagles. About fifteen minutes later he would announce: “In the middle tree, again on the port side, you will see two more bald eagles.”

Our maid said, “I think the captain has a picture of two eagles taped to his glasses. When he looks out of the corner of his eye, he sees them in the trees.”

The comedian on the ship would impersonate the captain: “On the starboard side there are three exploding killer whales, seven leaping porpoises, and three sea otters with calves swimming on an iceberg. On the port side, two grizzly bears are washing salmon at the water’s edge . and there are two bald eagles that Princess Lines pays to follow the ship to Seward.”

Guides can give very different versions of the same thing. In Bora Bora in French Polynesia, a large abandoned Hyatt hotel site with only its foundations stands by the sea. A local guide said the reason the hotel was abandoned was due to the greed of the builders and the costs of mismanagement, corruption and corruption.

Anthropologist Bill Kolans in Raiatea gave another version. Polynesians never give up their land. Relatives are often buried in the backyard, which helps ensure that the land will stay in the family. After the Hyatt builders had collected the land for their hotel, hundreds of Bora Borans came forward with claims to the land. To buy them all would have been prohibitively expensive, so the project was abandoned.

Resentment against the Chinese vendors would appear on tours of French Polynesia. “There’s such and such a supermarket. It’s owned by the Chinese and the food is expensive there.” The Chinese who were originally brought to Tahiti to work in the sugar fields stayed after the work in the fields ceased. They gradually returned to the merchant class and now own many banks and businesses.

A Tahitian guide said, “The French bake our bread, the Chinese deliver and sell it, and the Tahitians pay for it.”

In Bora Bora, a tour guide became angry when a tourist asked him if they had ever eaten dog. Paul Theroux in his book on Oceania discovered that some islanders in some archipelagos ate dogs. He thought that was why the island dogs often looked so mean, because they knew what awaited them. Our guide said, “Of course we wouldn’t eat dogs. They are our pets, members of the family. What do you think we are, savages?”

Then his whole mood suddenly changed and he said mischievously, “Now Americans, that’s another story. They’re really delicious, especially fingers. We call it finger food.”

Captain Cook hundreds of years ago detailed the cannibalism of the South Seas.

In Alaska, tour guides specialize in poetry recitations at the end of the tour. Their favorite is Robert Service, the Kipling of the Yukon, and on many bus tours just before tipping, you’ll hear “The Shooting of Dan McGrew,” “The Cremation of Sam McGee,” or “The Spell of the Yukon.” . ” They are recited from memory and somehow the lines seem more immediate as you travel through a gold rush frontier town like Skagway.

We took a steam engine train ride with vintage railroad cars that followed the gold rush trail from Skagway over the mountains to the pickup point for Dawson. In 1898, thousands of gold prospectors faced terrible conditions and thousands of livestock were destroyed. Over the loudspeaker on the train, a woman guide read from an account by Jack London that poignantly described how these animals fell or jumped over the steep mountain paths.

At Skagwag our guide brought us to the old cemetery where Soapy Smith and Frank Reid are buried. Soapy Smith was the leader of a gang that terrorized the town during the Gold Rush days. Reid shot Soapy and on his grave is an inscription that says he gave his life for the honor of Skagway. Nearby is the tomb of a woman of pleasure. Her tombstone reads, “She gave honor to the life of Skagway.”

In Hamburg, Germany, a tour guide trumpeted patriotic ecology at work. A block away from the notorious red-light district on the Reeperbahn, he pointed out several women who he said were prostitutes. “Good for them. They’re saving precious energy. They’re walking to work.”

I have met many good tour guides over the years, and have laughed and learned from most of them.

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