Long Weekend Getaway With Child 6 Yeaers Old New York 3 Easy Ways to Change Your Child’s Behavior

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3 Easy Ways to Change Your Child’s Behavior

If your child is not behaving the way you want, you need to change the way you handle issues. It just won’t work to keep using the same old parenting techniques. If they haven’t worked yet, they won’t. Here are three simple things you can do to make your child want to do what you ask.

1. Negotiation

The idea of ​​negotiating with their children is one that many parents simply cannot grasp. In our parenting class, we are often met with complete rejection at first. “I’m the parent. I don’t negotiate. My kids have to follow my rules.”

By negotiating, you show your child that you are open to their point of view. This shows that you respect them and that you care about how they feel. It opens many new lines of communication between parents and children. And, if handled correctly, both parties leave happy.

Your child will respect you more if you are willing to listen to how they feel. By negotiating with your child, they know that their feelings are validated and that you care about how they feel. They won’t need to win every negotiation – and neither will you.

When negotiating, remember that the first time you seat your child, the negotiation will be over. Your child will not be interested in continuing a conversation in which you make them feel bad about themselves.

A woman in our parenting class tried to negotiate with her 12-year-old daughter for a new dress for her first dance. The girl was wearing a full dress. Mother wanted her to choose a dress that ended mid-calf. During the negotiations, the mother said, “You know how clumsy you are. You’re going to trip over that edge and fall flat on your face in front of all your friends. They’re going to get a real kick out of it.” The girl was used to the blows. She had heard them all her life. She quietly chose the mid-calf dress just to end the topic.

In our next parenting class, the mother reported that her daughter was not very communicative. The mother had tried to negotiate, but the girl had refused. While they ended up buying the dress the mother wanted, the daughter was not happy with the decision.

Penalties are not part of any negotiation – or any conversation. If you catch yourself putting your baby down. Stop. Apologize. I really apologize. And go on.

Some topics you might want to start negotiating on might be:

bed time

whether they should take out the garbage at night or in the morning

Friday night TV

curfew

Using negotiation not only shows your child that you respect him, but it teaches him reasoning skills that will help him throughout life.

2. Good Choices / Bad Choices

All success and failure comes from the choices we make. Being able to think through our choices enables our children to make better choices more often—and to accept the negative consequences of bad choices. Once they realize that a bad thing happened because of a choice they made, they can move to make a better choice to fix the problem or avoid it altogether next time. If they are not taught consequences, they will not learn to make good choices.

We had a parent in our parenting class who complained that the school was picking on her son. He was failing English because he had forgotten to submit some necessary papers. She had been to the school several times to talk to the teacher, but the teacher did not budge. She asked how she could help her son.

I said, “Let it fail.”

Good parents protect their children from serious harm. Good parents also stand back and don’t “overprotect” so that their children learn consequences. All children will make bad choices as they grow up. When they have to face the consequences, they learn what choices they made to get into the mess and they also learn to think about the choices. Your child will learn much faster by dealing with his own choices than by all the preemptive preaching you can give him. Let them fail.

After they’ve failed, don’t say “I told you so.” Don’t get excited. Don’t tell them they are alone. Let them know you are there for them. Help them get back on track. Talk to them about it. Gently point out that the consequence is a direct result of a choice they made. Help them learn to make good choices, but don’t belittle bad choices.

Your goal, as a parent, is to teach your child that life is better when they make good choices. Making good choices isn’t always easy – but it always makes life better.

Some choices your child can start learning today:

Don’t finish your homework… fail the class

Don’t take your toys… the dog may destroy them (or they may be thrown away)

Take your hands off the handlebars…you might fall

Learn to offer your advice and then step back and let the consequences teach your child. You can help your child make the right choice, but let him make the choice and face the demise of the good or bad outcome. Praise him when he makes a good choice – but never belittle him for a bad choice.

3. No Ranting

Constant negative comments eat away at your child’s self-esteem. It never helps a child’s behavior. In fact, it often makes it worse.

Some parents feel that they need to point out every time their child misbehaves in order to teach the child what they are doing wrong. They end up with a child who is nervous and afraid to do anything lest they disappoint their parent once again. Or worse, they end up with a child who acts out even more.

Instead of cursing, start looking for something they did right and point it out.

Instead of “I told you to clean the room. Get in there and do it now!”

Try this: “Thanks for taking your toys out of the living room. I like it when it looks nice.”

Instead of “Did you brush your teeth like I told you to? I’m tired of reminding you.”

Try this: “I’m proud you put your pajamas on yourself.”

In these two examples, we are ignoring the things we really want done. But we are building a foundation of confidence and self-esteem in our child. It won’t take long for our child to start looking for more ways to earn praise. Once they get a taste of the feeling of praise, they will start doing things to get more praise.

Three simple things to change the way your child acts. Easy for parents. Great for kids. Try it today.

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