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7 Tips to Stand Up to Your Alcoholic Husband

Do you live with an alcoholic husband? Do you feel like someone is taking advantage of you? Many of the women I deal with in this position feel like doormats and their self-esteem suffers every time they put up with the extreme selfishness of a husband who is deep in his addiction.

I am a psychiatrist who specializes in addictions and I understand what spouses endure when living with an alcoholic.

Here is one of my recent cases:

HZ is 58 years old and has been married for 20 years. Her first husband was an alcoholic. She left him and took their 2 young children with her. He was very successful and then he lost all. Her second husband was a frequent drinker. He was also very successful. He only got clean and sober when she threatened to leave him and was able to maintain sobriety for 5 years.

However, he started drinking, believing that he could control his consumption. His drinking got progressively worse. He started coming home late. Sometimes he didn’t come home at all. He ignored her calls and her texts. They argued over his drinking. He would reply, “Is that all you care about?”. Over time, HZ became quite depressed and her husband decided to be around her less and less. She began to feel worthless when her husband treated her “lower than dirt” (as she put it). However, she endured this terrible treatment.

What could HZ do? Here are 7 tips to confront your alcoholic husband:

1) Only talk to your alcoholic partner about their drinking when they are sober. Speak calmly and tell him that you will make changes in your own life because you cannot rely on him to stop drinking alcohol.

2) Reach out and start developing a support system. Call the friends you’ve been afraid to open up to and tell them the truth about your situation. Go to an Al-Anon meeting and get support from other women who have been through similar situations.

3) Find a therapist and start working on your own codependency issues. If you can’t afford individual therapy, find a therapist who does group therapy.

4) If you have been out of work for a long time, find a part time job so you can get back into the working world and put yourself on a path to not be 100% financially dependent on your alcoholic husband.

5) Consider going back to school and retraining in a field that will eventually land you a good job.

6) Ask your children for help because they grow up in an alcoholic family, which leads to lifelong problems. Find a therapist, school counselor, or even refer them to teen-anon. Betty Ford has an excellent program for younger children in several different cities.

7) Consider breaking up if you’ve tried these things and your life hasn’t improved.

Bottom Line: You’re only which can change your situation. You deserve a great life. Be proactive and your situation will improve.

Remember: It’s up to you, not him.

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