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IVF – The Stress of Chasing a Baby

Abstract:

This article actually came from personal experience with IVF and hundreds of couples trying to have a baby through artificial means in a Chinese hospital in Shanghai. At the same time, I was asked to provide psychologists insight into IVF procedures from a telehealth company with a subscription channel to thousands of parents and potential parents. The content outline is not about the IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) procedure, but about the stress of going through the process from wanting a baby to giving birth. All the suffering and disappointment on the way to the eventual success of the pregnancy leading to the eventual birth or not! Also the case for psychological care for IVF patients.

Introduction:

IVF treatment, along with other artificial methods of conception, are becoming more common for couples who can’t wait for nature to pass through normal reproductive sexuality. Stressors come from many areas to a couple who wishes to take this path to family. In most Western countries, IVF is offered to childless couples and older couples who have been trying to conceive normally for some time. However, in many other countries it is a way to effectively ensure the birth of a boy (cultural assertiveness) by determining the gender of the fertilized eggs (although this is illegal in most countries). In China, young couples who feel pressured by family to have a child (potential grandparents are unwilling to wait) are choosing IVF as a quick method to conceive and fulfill their traditional roles. The one-child policy to control overcrowding was relaxed in 2017, and the two-child policy is now in place. Most couples who already had one child did not want another because the cost of raising a child in China is huge. However, especially where one child was a girl, the family pressured the wife to commit to the second child in order to have a boy. The birth of a second girl would be considered shameful. It is amazing to visit a maternity hospital in China and see the huge number of young couples under 30 trying to have a second child. Those who seek the former there also seek to avoid divorce. Women who cannot produce for the family would certainly be shamed by the family, and the mother-in-law on the boys’ side would push for divorce to find a more suitable girl to give birth to her son.

But let’s look at where it all starts – not getting pregnant normally through sexual contact. In many cases, the blame game starts with who is to blame? Men often feel that it must be the wife’s fault because they cannot face the embarrassment of knowing that they are the ones with the problem – medical or psychological. So at first it is often the wife (or partner) who goes to the doctor and has all the check-ups – internal – blood tests – scratches and more – all of which leave the woman feeling inadequate. However, if everything is fine and no medical or biological reason can be found for her not being pregnant, then of course the next step is a man. Not the easiest thing for men who were given a small cup and a room with several suggestive pictures on the wall and asked to ejaculate sperm. However, with a little imagination and sometimes a little help from the wife, things get moving and the cup has a teaspoon of sperm and semen that can be submitted to the hospital laboratory. It’s actually discouraging to watch the nurse throw most of it away (she only needs a minute sample) because you had time to make it. A sense of humor is often the best defense against embarrassment. At this point after an agonizing wait – the results come in the form of a printout that you don’t understand and told to take it to the doctor for analysis. The man silently hoped that his sperm were strong active swimmers so he could relax.

All is well with both parties, then the procedure begins in earnest, with most females going through many (and I mean many) appointments over several months to go through the complex process of preparing their bodies, uterus and eggs for the inevitable fertilization. males collected sperm. (Often frozen and waiting for the right moment).

Stress on the road:

1. Blaming – the first person to blame is that. Stress from an unknown cause of pregnancy – having to follow complicated monthly cycles that still don’t seem to bring the desired results. Blaming can happen at many stages of IVF, mostly from the partner’s inability to provide the family with the desired result.

Fear – fear of not having the baby everyone is asking you to have! Fear that something is wrong with you. Fear that you might end up with a divorce or separation. Like blaming – fear is constant throughout IVF treatment. At any time, you may be asked to start over from the beginning because something didn’t work out right or a missed moment wasn’t taken advantage of.

2. Disappointment – no pregnancy despite several attempts – the cost and economics of chasing a baby are no longer available. The risk of stopping—and trying again later—is the cultural result of being a failed wife and a poor wife.

3. Failure – as above when the doctor tells you it will never happen and you should think about alternatives like adoption or being childless. For many, this is the ultimate failure and can again lead to the blame game and the end of the marriage. This can also affect a person’s self-esteem that I am not normal – I fail as a woman or a man. It can also mean that after divorce due to infertility, your chances of remarrying are practically zero.

4. Success – you would think that a successful implantation would be a dream come true but you are in the same position as any pregnant couple – what else can go wrong – many IVF adverts can be aborted, the body is rejected and having uterine health issues brings further decisions about childbirth or abortion.

5. The baby is finally born – now the parenting begins – the stress of being a new mother to an IVF baby – the stigma of silence – pretending everything is normal. Family pressure to start over for a second child.

6. Multiple births – the idea was one child to start a family and even end up with twins and triplets – the financial burden alone in some countries adds to the stress felt by everyone.

All of the above points are a common experience for IVF couples – and even more so the younger the couple (under 30), as older couples tend to be more realistic about the odds and outcomes from the start. Out of every 100 couples (in a decent hospital), only 18 manage to bring the procedure to birth. This age has a big impact on your success. Between the ages of 22 and 34 live births average 30%, from there the statistics drop rapidly from 38 to 42, about 20% after 46 only 1% are successful. (1st Division of Reproductive Health USA 2001)

Another aspect of IVF is the increase in multiple births in older couples – each attempt between the ages of 38 and 40 increased the chances of multiple births in twins by an average of 25%. (2. US Government Health Statistics 2001). It is very hard to get meaningful statistics in any form in China.

Summer:

The procedure is long – from 6 months for the lucky few on the first try to several years and many unsuccessful attempts to succeed. To give up at some point, with all the cultural and social risks involved, or to continue the journey and the inevitable financial burden of each attempt and failure.

Even a successful outcome can bring stress, such as being the new parents of one or even two or three children! It can also be unfairly lucky that everything seems to be fine – as in the case of an Irishman aged 62 and his Chinese wife aged 31 – he had a vasectomy in his early 20s and so had to have sperm extracted from his testicles (without anesthesia) and implanted 9 sperm into her ovaries – took 7 and implanted 2 there – and bingo wife is pregnant with twins – eight months later – a healthy boy and girl fraternal twins were born. (3. Myler 2017) This would be a dream outcome for many young couples who fail time and time again.

Counselor Role:

It is important to note that not once did any of the hospitals or clinics that performed IVF offer any form of counseling to couples going through the stress of the procedures. However, it is clear that such support is very important – understanding the procedures from the doctor can help you understand what will happen to your body and the chances of the outcome – but it cannot prepare you for the ups and downs of emotions that you feel from guilt. , failure, self-esteem issues and fear of the future – these issues need a listening and caring support counselor or psychologist. It is a well-known fact that stress hormones and psychological stress can significantly influence the results of treatment procedures in various areas. Psychology should not be considered a luxury but a necessary part of all IVF procedures.

Reference:

1. US Division of Reproductive Health 2001

2. US Government Health Statistics 2001

3. Myler SF (2017) Irish/Chinese twins – A case history

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