The Mother Of A 5-Year-Old Child With Adhd Parents of Strong-Willed, Out of Control Children Have to Take Extra Good Care of Themselves

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Parents of Strong-Willed, Out of Control Children Have to Take Extra Good Care of Themselves

Parents with strong-willed, out-of-control teens have to take care of themselves in a way they might not have to if their child wasn’t so “energy draining.”

Here’s the 20-point Holy Grail for taking care of yourself emotionally:

1. Mentally transcend the problem and project yourself into a future where the problem no longer matters.

2. Cultivate the part of you that serves as an impartial and dispassionate observer of your uncontrollable child, regardless of the circumstances.

3. Imagine your out-of-control daughter as a mother going through her own parent-child conflict. Think of your out-of-control son as a father who has to deal with HIS verbally abusive son.

4. When you fight back (eg fight with, try to change with) your difficult child, you are usually the one who breaks down. Once you accept the situation as it is, you can begin to access your resources and act constructively to influence his/her behavior.

5. Somewhere in this difficult experience is an opportunity.

6. What you learn from dealing with a difficult child will strengthen you and help you in many other areas of your life.

7. Experiment with different parenting strategies. Try new approaches. Be the first to do the last thing you would ever think of doing!

8. Know that anything is possible.

9. YOUR CHILD IS A WORK OF WORK.

10. The opposite of anger is patience.

11. Just take a moment to think about how old you are and what you’ve been through.

12. All things work together for good. Chances are, something wonderful is emerging from your current difficult childhood situation—and you haven’t seen it yet.

13. YOUR DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE YOUR GREATEST TEACHERS.

14. YOUR HARDEST SITUATIONS STRENGTHEN YOU.

15. THE LESS YOU TRY TO CONTROL OTHERS, THE MORE CONTROL YOU GAIN.

16. BEFORE FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU DON’T WANT AND WHAT IS GOING WRONG, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DO WANT AND WHAT IS GOING RIGHT.

17. BEFORE FOCUSING ON HOW THEY TREAT YOU BADLY, FOCUS ON HOW YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

18. Let go of grudges.

19. To get rid of a grudge, we must first forgive!

Forgiveness:

· It is a way to get rid of grudges.

· It means letting go of the past.

· It is for you, not for the uncontrollable child you are forgiving.

· It is a gift you give yourself.

· Allows you to move on with your life.

· It takes time. Maybe you can’t forgive yet. Maybe the pain is too fresh. You do not have to hurry.

· Is a process. It won’t happen 100% overnight.

· Makes you feel better.

· It’s a choice. It’s not something you do because you “should” forgive or because someone told you to.

· It allows you to heal old wounds so that you can focus on the really important things in life.

· It relaxes you.

Forgiveness DOES NOT MEAN:

· Forgetting. You need to remember what happened to protect yourself.

· You’re letting no one off the hook (except yourself).

· You must tell a child who is out of control that you have forgiven him.

· You need to trust your unruly child again. Trust is earned. He will have to earn your trust back before you can trust him again.

· You tell an uncontrollable child, “What you did to me is ‘OK.’

· You try to alleviate his/her feelings of guilt.

· You are trying to make the out-of-control child feel better.

· You are trying to make the uncontrollable child in you feel better.

20. You may have to forgive yourself too. Sometimes we cannot forgive others until we forgive ourselves.

If you are the parent of a strong-willed, out-of-control child, then you are – by definition – in a near-constant state of stress. Use the above steps to avoid burning and crashing.

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