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Singleness – 10 Tips to Living a Great Life As a Single Woman

On any given day, the divorce rate in the United States averages between 50-60%. When you add to that the number of women who remain in emotionally dead relationships and in relationships that are physically or emotionally abusive, it is clear that only a small percentage of women are satisfied with their significant other. I’ve had significant relationships, but I’ve been single for most of my adult life. I’m not against finding a new man or getting into a new relationship in the future, but there are things about being single that I love and wouldn’t want to give up. If you’re struggling with being single, the following tips can be life-changing by building your confidence and increasing your financial and emotional security.

1. Organize your work life. This doesn’t mean you have to take a job you hate for a fat paycheck; instead it means the opposite. Find something you love to do and do it to the best of your ability. Find ways to maximize your income from what you love to do. Look for people you can love and support on their journey and people who will love and support you on yours. (Consider joining a support group if you don’t have friends or family who believe in you and validate you).

2. Take care of your health. Women are bombarded with false images and statistics about health. Grocery stores, billboards and televisions show scantily clad anorexic women selling everything from coffee to diapers. 16-year-old models are used to sell anti-wrinkle cream. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I have always been a big, athletic, active woman. A few years ago I was deeply concerned about my weight. According to the medical charts, I was 40 to 50 pounds overweight. I mentioned this to my doctor at my annual checkup. Her answer shocked me. She said, “You have an athlete’s blood pressure, don’t worry about it.” So my advice – find a sport you like and do it 3-5 times a week. It can be water aerobics, dancing, karate or intensive walking. Find an eating plan that works for your body. I eat mostly unprocessed organic foods including lots of fresh vegetables, some fruit, some dairy and some protein. I still like sweets, so I allow them, but only in small amounts. By maintaining optimal health, you will have optimal energy, lower medical bills, and are more likely to have a better outlook on life. I exercise almost every day. When I don’t, I tend to be low energy and low depression.

3. Take care of your finances. Avoid debt at all costs. There are so many creative ways to live well for very little money, provided you don’t fall for the ads or the desire to “keep up with the Joneses.” There are many books that provide great information on how to get out of debt and increase prosperity. If you are able to buy a house and it makes financial sense, do it. Don’t wait for Mr. Right. Even if or when he comes, he will probably admire your financial savvy. Consider joining a financial investment group or taking a stock market course at your local community college. Pay off your debts and start saving.

4. Feed your maternal instincts. If you really want a child and have the finances to support yourself and the child and have a large, loving support network of family and friends, adopt or apply for foster care. If you don’t have the money or don’t feel like you can handle being a single parent, look for volunteer opportunities that meet your parenting needs. You can be someone’s emotional mother regardless of your age, income or location. Many children with biological parents need more maternal support from the community.

5. Nurture your need for touch. Desire for sex or touch is normal and natural. Some people feel comfortable in casual sexual relationships. I am not one of them, and yet I am a physically energetic woman. The need to touch is essential for survival. It is very helpful to schedule regular massages and develop friendships where friendly hugs or kisses are expected and normal. I also love animals and share my home and heart with several pets. There is nothing quite as soothing as a cat sleeping on my lap while I read a good book.

6. Live in the present moment as much as possible. One of the biggest challenges a single woman faces is that we often project into the future. We think, “If I’m single now, I’ll always be single.” This may or may not be true, but either way we are missing out on the gifts this present moment has to offer. According to the Buddha’s Second Noble Truth, all suffering comes from desire and our inability to accept our circumstances. Once we embrace the present moment, the richness of life and the endless possibilities of joy become apparent.

7. Learn a quick comeback for related or negative self-talk. If you’re sick of hearing someone say, “…poor girl, so pretty and still single,” or some similar comment, find a truth or joke to use as a quick, automatic response. Consider, for example, the benefits of being single. “I love my solitude,” or a kind joke, “so you’ve already married Uncle Clyde.” This will eventually get the point across and help you keep feeling good about your independence.

8. Look for the advantages of being single or the disadvantages of being married. I have a wide circle of friends and I don’t have to look far. Several of my female friends married men who developed serious health problems. My friends now spend time and money looking after their partner. This crippled their finances and creativity. I wouldn’t trade places with them on my worst day. Another dear friend of mine is married to a man who, like her, is very opinionated and outspoken. They have terrible verbal arguments. The company does not discourage this couple and I have heard a lot. These dear friends always get along and seem to have a good marriage, but I wouldn’t want this. As a single woman, I have 100% control over where I go, what I do, who I see, when I get home, how much money I spend, and what I do with my time. I can put on my pajamas at 5pm or stay out all night. I love it.

9. Create and maintain a good circle of friends. Some single women I know form travel groups, investment clubs, or are part of couples functions. It is important to give and receive love and maintain friendships regardless of whether you are in a significant relationship or not. Learning to be a better friend and staying connected to the people you care about is an important part of life’s journey.

10. Keep your mind active. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s just as important to exercise your brain as it is your body. Watch a science or nature show, take a class, join a study group, or find a way to stay fascinated by life. The world is an incredible place; there is so much to learn, be and do. When you keep your mind active, you experience more joy in being alive. Plus, if you’re constantly learning, people will find you interesting, your self-esteem will stay healthy, you’ll meet new people, maybe you’ll improve your health or finances or circle of friends and support.

Once you learn to be happy in your freedom, you may or may not choose to share your life with another. If you learn to be financially and emotionally responsible for your own health and well-being, you’ll be more likely to enjoy life, single or not. If you choose a partner, it will be from a place of strength rather than need. Once you learn how to take loving care of yourself, it becomes easier to avoid a partner who brings you down or causes you emotional, physical, or financial harm. In the long run, it won’t matter if you get married, have a lover, or live alone. You will live your life joyfully.

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