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The Baby Who Never Sleeps

It wasn’t until I started surviving on two or three hours of sleep a night that I began to understand how child abuse occurs. Before I had children, nothing could be more alien to me than the idea that someone would even consider harming a child. But a few months into parenthood, when I never slept more than a few hours at a time, I remember curling up in the fetal position on my bed and listening to my inconsolable baby scream in the next room. Oh, I’d give my left arm (and I’m left-handed, remember), maybe five or six hours of silence.

Five or six hours of sleep.

Fortunately, I am a fairly stable person. Even bleary eyed and on the verge of madness, I had enough sense to pick up the phone and call for help. “I can’t take it anymore!” I cried for my husband. “I’m a terrible mother!”

Of course, my problem wasn’t that I was a terrible mother. On the contrary, I tried to be very good mothers. I never wanted to let my poor, vulnerable little girl cry. I never wanted her to have a moment of discomfort. I never wanted to be like the cruel and callous parents who, whether real or imagined, were the parents of past generations. I wanted to be an empathetic mother.

It’s a mentality that’s popular with parents of my generation. “Attachment Parenting”, some call it, as coined by the famous Dr. Sears. People who carry their babies sleep with them and react to them regardless of the circumstances. And it works for some people. Others, however, end up curled up in the fetal position, holding the phone and begging for a breather from anyone who might answer.

The first night I decided to let the baby cry, she was about six months old. We wanted to “Ferberize” her. My husband, who by the way can sleep through a baby’s screams, wasn’t entirely happy with the idea, but I gave him a choice; a crying child or a wife running screaming to the nearest mental health facility. Fortunately, he made the right decision.

It took three nights, but it worked like a charm. In the morning I woke up after a good six or seven hours of sleep and shouted praises to the Almighty in gratitude for the mercy showered upon me.

I’m not here to endorse the vaunted Ferber method. In fact, this was not the end of our sleep problems. But that was the end of my guilt for being a parent who doesn’t indulge my child’s whims, even at the expense of my own sanity and well-being.

The sleep problems persisted, on and off, over the years. This precious baby is now almost four years old and has a one-year-old sister. We’ve seen our share of sleep problems, from fussy toddlers to night terrors and more. I have learned to approach these obstacles as they come with a mixture of empathy and practicality. With balance. Sometimes there are tears or fallout, but more often than not, with commitment and guilt-free awareness, we’ve managed to get into a bedtime routine that everyone loves.

Forget all the heated opinions about Ferber and co-sleeping, Ezzo and the “No Cry Sleep Solution”. You are the parent. Whatever it is, you have to do something it works. It is the best for you and the best for your baby. The bottom line is that everyone is happier when everyone is asleep.

To those who have asked me for a specific book recommendation, I always recommend it Healthy sleep habits, happy baby from Dr. Weissbluth, who not only shares my philosophy, but also outlines exactly why it is in the best interest of your child’s physical and neurological health to sleep properly.

In case you’re feeling guilty.

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