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Marriage Is Prison – There Are No Walls
Remember the first Matrix movie where Neo meets the spoon bending boy in the fortune teller’s waiting room? The boy teaches Neo a secret – There are no spoons. It is the same with marriage; there are no walls. If marriage is a prison, it’s all in your head. You can do whatever you want. Really. You see, marriage is fictitious. It is made up of barriers that disappear once you identify them. They are called expectations.
Expectations can build strong prisons that drain your will to live. How? By limiting you to a life where you spend your time trying to do what’s “right” instead of living your potential or following your dreams.
And expectations attack from all sides, from your family, from her family, from your wife and even from yourself. Everyone and anyone has an opinion or an idea of what married life should be like. You should behave in a certain way and stay away from certain behavior. These restrictions are harsh, but we accept them. Sometimes we call it tradition.
OK. Enough beating around the bush. Here is my list of top ten expectations:
1. You should feel love for your wife at all times.
This is a romantic ideal rooted in fiction, not life. It is not possible to feel love under all circumstances. Besides, love is best expressed in action. You tell her you love her by sticking around, by showing interest in her, doing things together, romantic gestures, and so on.
2. Your love for her should make you spend less time with your friends.
I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s a relationship killer. A man needs his friends.
3. You should be soul mates, tell each other everything.
This is what many women hope for, but few achieve. But, it is not important. You don’t have to be soul mates to have a great marriage. Caring for each other is important, enough to be in it for the long haul.
4. Your love for her should make you never want to look at another woman.
Impossible. Men look at women. Time. But that doesn’t mean that we will get lost behind some temptations.
5. You should be a handyman, she should be a caring mother.
If that’s what you want, sure. Go ahead. But don’t arrange your marriage this way just because it’s the norm. There are plenty of guys who stay home with the kids while the wife brings home the bacon.
6. You should have sex 3.4 times a week.
Or what is the average, right? Poorly. Having less sex won’t ruin your marriage. Like more sex doesn’t necessarily mean better. Having sex is important. Good sex. How often will you want both.
7. You should buy or build an expensive house.
And staying on the brink of bankruptcy for years before finally paying off the mortgage and being able to sell the house for a financially secure retirement. If you’d rather live in a trailer and be able to take six months off, why not?
8. You should have 2.6 children.
Have as many children as you want. If you want to raise a kindergarten, then just do it. If you don’t want kids, that’s fine too. It is not the duty of every person to reproduce.
9. You should get a practical, responsible family vehicle.
Like a minivan. Slow, safe and spacious. I had one and loved it. But who says you should. If you’d rather keep that convertible and haul your kids to school in a little red wagon, you’re the one!
10. You should grow old together.
Yes, that’s what you promised. But take it easy. You can’t make a marriage last. Besides, you won’t be judged on the last day by how long your marriage lasted. Live your life. Love your wife. Have fun together and plan for the future. Who knows? It may last till death do you part.
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#Marriage #Prison #Walls