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So He’s Had an Affair – Do You Forgive Him Or Do You Ditch Him?
You know what, if you had asked me this question 5 years ago, before I had kids, my basic response would have been to kick the idiot into contact. Now that I have kids and am a mom, it’s not as straightforward as it might seem. If my husband was having an affair now, as well as the obvious tears and punches in the face, there would also be a lot of thought and consideration before definitively putting his foot in my back and shoving him out the door. high speed.
I actually found myself understanding why people have affairs a month or two ago. I even thought longingly of a former partner with whom sex was amazing. Still, I would be saddened if my husband had one or even considered one. In my case, we have one 4-year-old boy and a daughter who just passed 9 months. My four-year-old has only been in preschool for half a week, which means that from the time I get up at 6am, I am constantly on call and on call until I go to bed. Also, since I’m still breastfeeding, my little one is in bed with me as well and he sucks 2-3 times every night for a feed. So I am permanently metaphorically and physically attached to someone 24/7.
The best part is when I go for #2 (oops! sorry!!) and have both kids waiting outside the bathroom door with a 4 year old asking “Am I done yet, he’s big, he smells and I’m going to be? hurry up so I can build his train track!” I can smile about it now, but at the time my first response was to say ‘F **k O** and leave me alone PLEASE!!’ Now fast forward to 9pm where I have put the kids to bed, finished washing/cleaning and finally managed to sit down in a futile attempt to have 5 minutes of ‘me time’…
And then it starts again, but this time in the form of a big boy, also named my husband, who fell asleep on the couch and now wants me to move because he’s in the mood. Mmm – sleep – sex? Sex – sleep? No contest. Sorry guys, sleep wins every time.
And so this scene plays out every night, every night I rebut my husband and brush off his well-intentioned but fake attempts to show me how much he loves me, and find every excuse to make love. with him. There are only so many headaches, periods, ‘I’m not in the mood’ I can give him before he starts thinking I don’t love him or worse, that I stop liking him or finding him attractive.
And that, my dear, can break out into an affair. As much as you may think your husband is ugly, boring, fat, short, rest assured that there is someone out there who will think he is a gift from God and will have the biggest shoulder known to man. to cry On the other hand, you’ll welcome the attention of someone you may love and leave with no strings attached, no pressure, or rather no talk of kids, chores, money, the list goes on. You can forget about the boredom of your everyday life for just a few hours. Welfare. Or at least you think so.
Put yourself in their position. Cliché I know, but so true. How would you feel if the person you love keeps rejecting your advances? After a while you would stop trying, give up and be more receptive to other offers. Men are “wired” differently than we are, and while women need to have their “minds” turned on to work, I’ve found that mostly it’s testosterone that drives men, and if it’s released, they’ll go almost anywhere to get it.
So if you’ve found out your husband has had an affair or is thinking about it, before you dump him and his wardrobe, take a moment to reflect to make sure it wasn’t something he might have been pressured into doing. .
Every day, divorcing couples sit across the table from each other and wish they could fix their relationship and try again, but they think things have gone too far. Perhaps a few moments of thought could have prevented this. If, after taking the time to figure out if you can or even want to forgive your man, you still want to split up, then go for it. Knowing that you took the time to think it through, even if it’s a tough decision, will make you feel a lot better about it.
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