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How to Text a Girl – The 5 Most Damaging Mistakes
Message too often, too soon
It seems like a no-brainer, but it’s actually a very subtle thing that even I, as a texting guru, have to be careful about. Firing off a text immediately after meeting someone is often not a good idea. Even if they are all around you, still show some restraint. Waiting a day or two for first contact shows emotional maturity and strength. By leaving a text conversation first, or not texting as often as she does, you’re communicating that you’re wanted. Something as simple as this often plants a seed of doubt that will draw her and you like iron to a magnet.
The most common mistake in texting is too often and too soon, but being too sexualized is the most harmful thing when texting girls. A lot of guys don’t understand that women have a genetic fear of men that can be triggered by sneezing. You do not believe me? Think for a moment about the level of sexual violence women have experienced over the past million years and you can imagine why it is hard coded into women’s DNA.
If you haven’t created enough comfort in the relationship, sending even the slightest sexual text message will make her “RUN!” impulse. She’ll perceive that sex is your only concern and if you’re creepy in the SLIGHTEST way, it’s over.
To double this fear, no woman, not even the most promiscuous girl (believe me, I’ve tried it) refuses to be seen just for sex. It may be 100% true that he wants to violate you just as much, but you can’t be the one opening that door. When learning how to text a girl, make her feel safe first, and I assure you that if the attraction is there, sexual intimacy will follow.
Being overly aggressive/cocky
I just got a drunk email from a client: “I tried your advice and it failed! Clearly your suggestions don’t always work!” The next day he excused himself saying he was drunk and didn’t want to send the email. I asked him to show me what happened and this is a summary of what he wrote to the girl:
Him: You text me too often, you are cute but not cute enough to text me that much
Her: Don’t be so mean, what are you going to do later?
Him: I’m not sure, I could go out with my sister
Her: I don’t have a sister
Him: What, no sister? Well, I think the three way is gone, do you have a cute friend?
Her: Um… are you drunk?
Ok, aw… I hate to see stuff like that because he clearly didn’t listen to my advice on how to text a girl. There’s a big difference between being cocky/funny and just being a jerk. He was on a high from his previous success, but he had gone too far with this girl.
The problem is when you run into a girl who can’t handle it or just doesn’t know how to react. Being arrogant, confident and cocky MUST be balanced with playfulness AND you have to feel your target. If you’re playing tennis with a 5-year-old, lob the damn ball, don’t send it in his face. (Better not play with 5 year olds)
Being too nice/boring
I see it all the time when I teach guys how to text girls. They don’t know how to text a girl in a way that creates tension, creates attraction. It’s easy to play it safe, but you’ll get the least return on your efforts. In other words, if you bet on nickel slots, you will never get a big payout.
Him: Hey wow, it was really great meeting you last night
Her: Yeah, you look sweet
Him: I am but you are not only sweet but so cute!
Her: Wow, you’re not that bad yourself (she’s flattered but slightly pushed away)
Him: So honey, what are you doing tomorrow, I’ll be happy to buy you dinner
Her: Thanks a lot, but I have to… (wash my hair, wax my ass, etc.)
Yes, yes, you’ve all heard that the nice guy never wins, but do you understand why? It’s not because women like jerking more, it’s because jerking creates tension and that tension is sexy. Being nice creates security, but it’s incredibly boring and doesn’t create attraction. I know you went through the same thing with that really sweet, really cute girl you left behind. Why? Not because you are a bad person, but simply because pretty is boring and the tension of attraction was non-existent. When you text girls you have to push the boundaries, you have to be interesting or you will never be successful.
It’s more for girls, but I’ve gotten countless emails from people who have violated this. Here are examples of horrible relationship ultimatum texts:
Hello, I like you very much and I would like to know where this is going?
If I text you, I really wish you texted back sooner, you feel like you don’t care
I feel like I’m the only one working on this relationship
I don’t like that you have so many friends
I love you so much and I don’t want to play any more games
All of these lyrics communicate, “I’m weak, I need reassurance that you care, you have more power than me, I’m jealous and I’m acting like a girl.” If you write this kind of text you are forcing her into a more masculine role and she will act accordingly and run away just like you. Let her walk towards you first and then tell her you feel the same way. Always keep a balance when texting girls, always be the one in control of your emotions.
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