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New Mom Support – Who’s Helping You?
My story:
I remember when my daughter, Bryley, was reversing day and night. She was 7 weeks old and was awake from 3pm to 7am. If I put her down, she’d start crying, so I—the try-to-be-perfect, do-it-all mom—stood up and bounced her through the whole Night. Needless to say, when 7am rolled around, not only did I feel completely exhausted, but I also felt alone, resentful, overwhelmed, and confused.
The strange thing is:
It never dawned on me to ask anyone for help.
Sound familiar? If so, you are not alone:
Many of the moms I talk to are trying to do EVERYTHING on their own.
Trying to do it all?
Answer the following questions and you will find out:·
- When was the last time you asked for (and got) some real aid?
- How many times in the last month have you screamed to yourself?
- head “HELP!” hoping that somehow someone would magically listen
- you even take over for a while?
- What do you do when you need support, rest or a good break?
If your answers make it clear that you’re a “do it all” (or “do too much”), you might benefit from building a support network that’s all about you. Your very own ‘new mum support network’ will ensure that your ‘must do’s’ are done and you have the opportunity to take care of yourself.
FOLLOW THE STEPS TO CREATE YOUR NEW MOM SUPPORT NETWORK:
1. Learn to feel good about asking for help.
Our culture fails to teach us that it benefits people to ask for help. Instead, we’re taught to value independence and see asking for help as a sign of weakness and inadequacy: “If you were REALLY a well-adjusted and capable parent, you could take care of everything on your own!” the voice in our head proclaims.
Is this what you want to teach your child?
Taking the time to get comfortable with asking for help will allow you to become the calm and content mother you want to be. Answer the questions below to understand why you find it difficult to ask for help and to feel more comfortable getting the support you need!
· What am I afraid of when I ask for support?
· How will how I see myself change if I recognize that I can’t do it on my own?
· What would it take for me to reach out to others so that I can meet my own needs?
· What am I worried other people will think if I ask for help or if they know I’m getting it?
· How would I feel if I was supported by a system that allowed me to actually feel better day by day?
2. Change your focus:
If the negative voices tell you why you shouldn’t ask for help, replace them with thoughts about how you will benefit from the help you receive.
You will:
- Be a happier and more efficient mom.
- Feel better physically, emotionally and mentally.
- Feel supported and connected with people you like and respect.
- Feel less stressed and better equipped to handle the challenges that arise.
- Feel less resentful and burned out.
- Teach your child to feel comfortable asking for and getting the support they need.
- Teach your child to value himself.
3. Take action:
Choose your top 3 needs (for rest, alone, emotional or parental support, connection, clean house, nutritious meals, intimacy, etc.) and choose 1 to 3 people who can support you in meeting the need. Your support can be family, friends, groups, professionals, etc.
New mom support systems often include:
- Partner or best friend
- Doula
- New Mom’s Life Coach
- Therapist
- A friend (especially another new mom)
- Support group
- Play team
- Childcare (so you have time to meet your need for exercise, mental stimulation, artistic expression, socialization, etc.)
- Cleaning, ordering or dining service
- Health/Body Specialist (fitness trainer, massage therapist, acupuncturist, chiropractor, nutritionist, etc.)
4. Commit:
Right now, commit to:
1: Ask for help at least 1 time in the next week.
2: Schedule at least 1 person from your support network into your life by the end of next month so that one of your needs can be met on a weekly basis.
Copyright, Claudia Heilbrunn, Significant Self
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