Why Does My 5 Year Old Child Keep Falling Over Cause And Effect – Why I Made My Son Lick His Brother’s Feet

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Cause And Effect – Why I Made My Son Lick His Brother’s Feet

Today I made my son lick his brother’s feet. If you’re wondering what I’ve gotten myself into, I’ll explain.

I discovered many years ago that if I could use the distraction method combined with cause and effect, they brought laughter to the situation, but also admitted that the behavior was unacceptable and the punishment was (generally) appropriate. As a mother of four, I’ve had many years to learn a few tricks.

My 9 and 11 year old boys were running around having fun until Ash upset Sabian by taking some of the money they were saving together for an iPad. Ash, the 9-year-old, ran off with Sabian in hot pursuit, armed with a rubber snake. Ash, finally cornered, was then “branded” on his thigh with the rubber snake’s whip. Ash came running towards me, tears streaming down his face. An angry red sore proved the Sabian’s crime.

“Sabian, come here now!”

Now Sabian would expect the usual response from me regarding his behavior…you know the one. The lecture about how physical violence is unacceptable behavior and how I’m going to take away a privilege.

But no.

Why do that when it never works? It doesn’t stop the behavior, it doesn’t change anything. It just makes Sabian more resentful of Ash as he thinks Ash deserved to be hit, hit, hit, pinched, hair pulled. Grrr would be my usual response, but it accomplishes nothing.

“Ash, did you wash your feet today?”

“Yes”

“Oh well, they should. Sabian, lick your brother’s feet.”

This drew them both to attention. I continued…

“You hurt Ash so you have to lick his feet. This is the consequence for your actions.”

I figured Sabian had played dirty so the punishment should fit the crime.

They were both laughing, (Ash through his tears). Sabian licked Ash’s feet, which by the way, Ash was more than happy to show off. Then I asked…

“Feeling better now Ash?”

“No”

“Would you like the Sabian to lick the other leg?”

This brought more laughter. Another lick.

It’s amazing how a few simple changes can make a difference in the degree of difficulty and frustration we experience when facing life’s challenges. These challenges are just that – ‘challenges’. Sometimes we call them problems, difficulties, injustice and misfortune. But really? Is that why we face these challenges? Is it possible that sometimes challenges are simply presented to direct us to a better way of approaching a situation?

If we stop long enough to realize that we keep experiencing the same challenges over and over and over again and ask why, we might realize something so simple yet so profound. It’s not really about…

“WHY does this keep happening to me?”

It’s about “WHY didn’t I change the way I approach the challenge?”

Why do these same life challenges keep coming up? Is it possible that we haven’t learned the lesson yet?

I would like to tell you that this solved my boys fighting problem. Of course not! But later in the evening, when another incident occurred, I used the same method and it brought laughter again. They had just been enjoying the effects of a huge flare bomb and now it was burning to the ground. I suggested they put it out by crying. This method of putting out a fire always appeals to boys. As he extinguished the fire, Sabian realized a stream of pee was heading his way. Ash took another hit.

Sabian ran inside. I followed a minute later.

“Sabian have you washed your foot that Ash bruised?”

“Yes.”

“Oh well it should work. Ash has to lick your leg to pee on you.” This brought much laughter until I announced the next part of the punishment.

“Oh and Sabian, you have to lick Ash’s leg for hitting him and I’m sure he hasn’t washed his legs yet.”

Needless to say, they called it real!

I was recently talking to a friend about some challenges she was facing. I had heard about the challenges for years. Nothing had changed. I just said, “Well why do you keep facing the challenge the same way every time if nothing changes? If it didn’t work the first time, or the second time, or every other time, then STOP! STOP doing the same thing over and over and expecting something to change.

“Beach: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein was indeed a very wise man. I’m sure he would enjoy my unorthodox methods.

Afterwards, my friend and I discussed some strategies. Some of them were used that night and my friend mentioned some shifts.

Many people will read this article and say “I knew that”. Much of what I have learned and discovered through life’s challenges is simply common sense. But it is so important to be reminded of what we already know or wish we already knew.

So, the next time the same challenge continues to present itself in our life, it helps to stop and ask ourselves if we should STOP! STOP repeating the same reaction to the challenge. If it hasn’t worked so far, it probably never will. The challenge is in our thinking.

A conscious decision to change my thinking reminded me to dig up all those life lessons I’ve learned and start putting them back into action. I have personally spent a lot of time up until now getting stuck in seeing life’s challenges as problems. Once I stopped reacting to them in the same ways over and over and over and getting the same results – ineffectively – I finally moved into a different space.

“Why be you when you could be young?” (from the animated film “Robots”)

It’s not so much about giving up being yourself to succeed in life. It’s about being a new improved version of yourself, already learning life lessons or new life lessons in finding new ways to face challenges and new ways to face those challenges. I consider myself a success story because I finally learned how to apply in my life what I already knew. I have participated in two intensive self-development programs. They were both beneficial, but I quickly forgot to continue applying what I had learned. If you don’t practice a skill regularly, you lose that skill to some degree.

My nephew who also participated in a self-development forum, used a new skill on a bully. She had been harassed by this bully for quite some time. Every morning the bully would grab my nephew’s school bag and throw it in the street while waiting for the school bus to arrive. Usually my nephew would get angry. After returning from Melbourne where he had participated in the program, he decided to stop reacting the same way he always had and apply a new method he had learned on the forum.

“Thank you for paying so much attention to me.”

That was all he said. The bully was shocked. He didn’t know how to react so he didn’t say anything and never threw my nephew’s bag away again. Instead they became friends. Funny how things can change so dramatically with just a simple tweak in strategy.

I now commit to regularly reading and listening to positive material that helps with my new lifestyle. I have seen the benefits in a short time. Some of these changes were instantaneous… CAUSE AND EFFECT. I’m so glad I didn’t have to lick someone’s dirty feet to figure that out. As a result of this change in the patterns of my thoughts and actions, I feel happier. I feel optimistic and my children are definitely benefiting from these changes. I let go of the old ways that didn’t work for me the first time, the second time, and every time after that. I am finally ready to reach my full potential. I let go of my resentment towards people who have hurt me as I decided to take my power back. I am finally in control of my own happiness.

What’s up with you; What areas in your life need to change so you can get off the merry-go-round, getting nowhere fast?

Tash Magenta 🙂

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