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I’m Angry That He Won’t Marry Me And This Is Hurting Our Relationship: Tips That Might Help
Sometimes I hear from women who after a certain amount of time start to feel a little annoyed, frustrated, angry or resentful that they don’t get engaged or married. And as time goes by, these negative feelings accumulate so that it starts to hurt the relationship. The great irony of it all is that this whole process can actually make you less likely to get married or engaged, so it’s a vicious cycle.
I heard from a woman who said, “I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. I hate calling him boyfriend. We’re in our early twenties and that’s too old to call someone our boyfriend. At the moment, we live together two and a half years. He knows I want to get married, but he’s dragging my feet. We share an apartment, but apart from this, nothing legally binds us together. I’m afraid that if something happened to one of us, the other would have no legal standing, for him to decide. I’m angry that he put me in this position. I feel like he thinks I’m good enough to live with him but not good enough to marry. And I feel short-tempered and sarcastic towards him because of my anger. At this rate, I feel like this whole process is going to damage our relationship. I can’t seem to control my feelings. And I feel like I have a right to be angry. What can I do?” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.
Understand that if left unchecked, this cycle can actually damage or even destroy your relationship: Many couples get stuck in this cycle and just get so used to it that they begin to imagine that it will always be this way. They realize that no one blinks first, so they will always seem to be standing still, waiting for someone to make the first move. Therefore, they often do not even see the end of their relationship. This cycle has ended many relationships precisely because people begin to believe that nothing will ever change. And eventually one or both parties decide they don’t want to live like this anymore.
Consider agreeing to postpone the issue and return to it at an agreed upon time: Here is what you need to understand. It is possible that this problem will eventually become the central problem of your relationship. And when that happens, the whole dynamic of your relationship changes, and that change is not for the better. It seems like everything always comes back to this one thing and you can’t get back on your feet or move forward.
From my experience and observation, if you find that it’s hurting your relationship, you’re better off putting the matter on the shelf for a while. Sometimes when I explain this to people they think I’m telling them to give up or to just accept that he doesn’t want to marry you. That’s not what I’m implying at all. I’m just saying that if you’re willing to put it off and then reconsider, you’ll gain a few things. First, you limit the damage to your relationship. In order to commit to you, he needs to be reassured that the relationship is worth the commitment. This is less likely to happen if you simply cannot overcome your differences of opinion on the subject.
Second, if you can get him to agree to revisit the subject later, then he’s committed to thinking very seriously about committing later. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a huge gain and a big bonus. Because you don’t have it yet. And when you put the problem aside, you focus back on your relationship. The tension will subside and things can be good between you again. That way, when the two of you discuss it again at that appointed time, your relationship will hopefully recover to a point where it feels comfortable. If he isn’t, then maybe it’s time to dig a little deeper and find out why he isn’t comfortable with commitment.
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