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PMS – Mood Swings, Angry Outbursts, Slamming Doors – Sound Like You? Find Out
After my second child was born and around the time I stopped breastfeeding at 5 months, I noticed, and so did my husband, that my moods and irritability were not “normal”. I have always been a very consistent person. You always knew how I would react to things within a reasonable parameter, I didn’t ‘freak out’ or get upset about anything. I could argue and disagree, but I was balanced and reasonable. Gradually, when my baby was 6 months and then 8 and 10, I was turning into a monster!
I will share with you only a few incidents to illustrate this, because what may be okay in some households and unreasonable in others can vary greatly. I’ll let you be the judge of these incidents, and if you recognize any of this, you need to read on.
My husband would come home after a day’s work with his usual smile and cheerful disposition. I didn’t always get all the housework done, the food was half done and I would tell him I wasn’t feeling very well in the morning. So-and-so would call me… and I would go into some detail about how this person made me feel incompetent, commenting on something I didn’t do, and how I now felt terrible and angry. I might even cry telling this story.
This could now go one of two ways. If he said that maybe I could do more, I would try to go out a little more, exercise a little, etc. he agreed to it and so on and scolded him for not hearing me when I said I wasn’t feeling well in the morning.
If he had said don’t worry so and so meant no harm and maybe I misread the conversation or even so and so has no right to call me and say things like that I would still yell at and ask him what his ‘game was ‘, why was he trying to be nice, it was his usual trick of trying to keep me sweet for later when we went to bed!
On one occasion he wanted to watch a TV program that he had pointed out in a TV book (not just on a whim!). we sat together but after about 5 minutes i was annoyed by the language, drinking and sad jokes and stuff like that which i didn’t like. I was rude and pushed him aside when I asked if we had to watch it? When he softly said, please, I could, I stormed out of the room, slamming my hand on the door as I left. He tried to stay calm so he didn’t say anything but didn’t move either. Once I was out of the room I floundered in the kitchen for a minute or two, oblivious to the kids sleeping upstairs but returned to the living room to angrily tell him how selfish he was etc. I had successfully ruined his evening and mine , but I just stayed sobbing on the bed until I calmed down and finally apologized.
On another occasion, I slammed the bathroom door so hard that the plaster next to the door frame cracked. I threw that door into the wall so hard that I ended up with bruises on my hand where the handle was and a nearly split door. Why did I slam it repeatedly? Because the noise wasn’t loud enough the first time, plus my husband didn’t jump to his feet to chase me, and that irritated me too.
I was angry? Was it part of my usual personality? How was it when I was talking to people the other day when someone noticed the bruises?
Well, to that question, evasive, dishonest, unpleasant and unwilling to let others know what I am like. Crazy? Well, there were times when I felt like maybe I did. A part of my true true self… absolutely not!
I had never experienced such behavior in my life until then. I didn’t even engage in loud arguments, let alone any violence. My parents were quiet, calm people, and my husband never raised his voice at me in the nine years I’ve known him.
So what was going on?
Answer, Postpartum Depression… What is it? Lack of the hormone progesterone, which was secreted in large quantities after birth (with the placenta), causes baby blues in many women, but in me blues and worse. I never recovered. It wasn’t mental illness. No amount of antidepressants helped. The same would be true if your symptoms occurred regularly every month.
So what did he do? Progesterone use.
My story and how I got back to normal can be found on my website. But what you must not do is accept it and believe that all you have to do is find “coping” mechanisms.
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